Free Write

I recently decided that I would take up running, again. I used to run a lot in high school but I stopped when I entered college. Initially, I blamed it on my lack of free time. But as the years wore on, and I found free time for other things, I could no longer come up with an excuse (laziness being the only real reason). This semester, despite taking six classes (rather than my usual five) I have made the time for running. Unsurprisingly, it was a painful start. My legs and knees ached, so much so that some days I could barely walk. I was often exhausted after my workouts, and found my lack of energy effecting my schoolwork and my job. But, I made the conscious effort to keep on and pushed through the pain. In part, this was due to my inherent need to become a runner again. But also, my good friend (who is an avid runner) strongly motivated me to continue with my journey. At present, I have re-found the enjoyment I get from running. As cliche as it sounds, running clears my head and allows me to focus better on my tasks, especially with homework. I feel the rush of endorphin's in my brain when I finish, and I feel I have accomplished something. This rush allows me to believe that I can accomplish other things such as essays, tests, and the like. I still get the aches and pains in my legs and knees, but ones that are bearable. It will probably be a few months yet before I can run again without a mild struggle. The reason for this posting however is twofold. For one, I wanted to write my thinking's down to better understand my own motivations for running again. The other, is to understand what I have learned from this struggle. While the obvious lesson of pushing oneself is evident, I wanted to find the deeper "lessons" and/or values within. My motivations are clear: to regain my stamina, become a runner again, and be cognitively and physically healthy. As of yet, these "lessons" that I am trying to connect and apply to other areas of my life, I am still in search for. These motivations and lessons are keenly different, and it is important (for anyone) to understand them. While my motivations are what started my newly active lifestyle, these obscure "lessons" are what will keep me going (I hope). It is becoming increasingly difficult to go outside and run (mainly because of the freezing temperatures) without a value or goal I want to attain. I have become a (somewhat) runner again, I have increased my stamina, and I am on the healthy path (save for the holiday season). There is seemingly no reason to continue on then right? Wrong. There is a reason, or many reasons, and it is obscure and personal and I have yet to find it. I want running to become a part of my life again, as it was in high school. However, while the motivations are similar, the reasons I ran then are quite different than the reasons I run now. I will remain optimistic, however, in my quest.